CLEBURNE, Texas — As they entered 2022, Kailee and Cade DeSpain were on track to finally fulfilling their goal of becoming parents, after some bad luck along the way. 

The couple was amid their fourth pregnancy after two ended in miscarriages, and one daughter was born at 16 weeks and didn’t survive. In the middle of it all, Kailee was diagnosed with cervical cancer. She survived the cancer bout, but doctors warned her if it returned, she may have to get a hysterectomy. The diagnosis put even more pressure on the DeSpains to try to get pregnant again as soon as they could.

Their fourth pregnancy was a boy and the clearest path they had so far. 

“That baby was Finley,” said Kailee. “It was just really exciting.”

The DeSpains and their doctors watched Finley grow carefully, knowing all the trouble they’d had in the past. They said there were a few small things that came up in the initial weeks of pregnancy, but nothing that caused concern. The couple was growing confident that Finley was their miracle baby. Then, around the 15 week mark, things quickly turned south.

“She [Kailee’s doctor] mentioned, just kind of in passing, just kind of talking to herself, ‘Hmmm, there’s not very much fluid in there,’” said Kailee.

Kailee also remembered Finley looking a bit more balled up, with fists clenched tighter than a baby normally would on an ultrasound. They initially wrote it off as part of his development, commenting that he looked like a little fighter in the womb.

The DeSpains ended up going to specialists to investigate things further. That’s when doctors found something serious. The fluid around Finley was essentially missing.

“They [the specialists] said he doesn’t have any fluid, and that means he doesn’t have kidneys,” said Kailee.

The couple continued to hope, even traveling from their home in Cleburne all the way to Houston to take part in clinical trials that aimed to fix fluid issues. During those consultations, they said the news only got worse with each scan.

Doctors discovered Finley’s heart didn’t have any chambers in it, making it unable to direct blood flow. His brain was split, and his organs were growing at the wrong sizes and weren’t functioning properly.

The couple said genetic testing revealed Finley had full triploidy. According to WebMD, it’s a condition affecting 1-3% of pregnancies where the baby develops an extra set of chromosomes. There’s no cure for triploidy, it has a 100% mortality rate, and infants who have the full version and make it to birth don’t survive long. Doctors told the couple that Finley would never breathe and had no chance of surviving.

Kailee and Cade said the news devastated them and didn’t know what to do next. They said doctors informed them that trying to carry a triploidy baby to term would usually end in a miscarriage, but also brought a lot of risks to the mother as well. Those risks were compounded for Kailee, who was dealing with cancer recovery and past issues.

The DeSpains said they never pictured a scenario where they’d choose an abortion, but now it was basically their only safe choice. They quickly learned it would not be a simple path.

“She [the doctor] said, ‘but you need to understand that we can’t do anything in Texas,’” said Kailee, “and I was like, ‘but he’s not gonna live.’”

The DeSpains were going through this after the state had passed SB8, the Texas abortion law that gives private citizens the power to sue anyone who aids in an abortion in the state after a heartbeat is detected, usually at the six week mark.

Despite Finley's inability to develop and survive, his heart was still beating. The law allows doctors to perform abortions when the mother’s life is at stake. However, Kailee’s danger, the couple thought, could be seen as not immediate at that exact moment, even though it likely would be in the weeks to come.

Doctors told them they could not perform the procedure and referred the DeSpains to look out of state for help. The couple booked an appointment at a clinic in New Mexico where they had to get on a two-week long waiting list behind other women seeking out-of-state abortions.

“Helpless is a great word to describe it,” said Cade.

The couple said those two weeks were excruciating, especially for Kailee who recalled feeling Finley inside of her. She said he barely moved due to lack of fluid and his organs developing completely wrong. Luckily, they said they could afford the trip to New Mexico, although it was far from a trip they’d like to remember.

Kailee and Cade recalled walking into the clinic through a crowd of protesters shouting at them from all sides.

“This woman is screaming at me through a megaphone, ‘Please don’t kill your baby, we have resources for you,’” said Kailee.

Cade said he even tried to interact with the protesters to get them to understand their situation, that there were no resources that could help them, but he said none were interested in hearing it. Kailee said she could hear the shouting outside the entire time as she underwent the procedure.

They lost Finley on March 18. Because the procedure had to be done out of state, they had to wait weeks and pay a lot of money to get his ashes shipped back to Cleburne so their family could say their proper goodbyes. He now sits in a small urn next to a stuffed giraffe that contains a recording of his heartbeat. The clinic also gave the DeSpains copies of Finley’s footprints that are now tattooed on Kailee’s arm, alongside those of the daughter they previously lost.

It’s likely understandable to most that the couple doesn’t like to share the painful story. It’s a very fresh wound for them, but things changed after the leak of the Supreme Court’s Roe v. Wade draft opinion earlier this month. The draft showed the high court may prepare to overturn the decision that makes abortion a right in the U.S.

As they continued to deal with their own grief, Kailee said her social media timelines became filled with comments about the draft. Many people she long considered friends, who knew what she went through, openly celebrated the prospect of an end to abortion rights, or at least a return to states deciding on abortion rights.

“I’m looking at it and I’m thinking, ‘Well, what about women like me?’” said Kailee. 

Reluctantly, the couple posted the story of their journey to Kailee’s Facebook page, giving every detail, every moment of their arduous journey of bad luck that led to the loss of four children that they desperately wanted to have. They said they originally only made the post to reach some of their loved ones and show them that the topic isn’t always a black and white one. 

“I left it on public on the off-chance someone would see it and it would change somebody’s mind,” said Kailee. “I did not expect for it to be at 97,000 shares.”

In fact, as of March 18, the post had surpassed 100,000 shares on Facebook with thousands of comments, some who support abortion rights and others' anti-abortion views. The couple said it’s all been overwhelming but also therapeutic. Others have shared similar stories with them or said the story got them thinking about things a bit more.

Kailee said it’s still all hard, but as the share count rises she can’t help but feel a little better, like her Finley’s short time could make a difference.